My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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