I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
