peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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