Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
