I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
