I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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