Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
