she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
