My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
