i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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