i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
