My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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