Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
