Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
