If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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