im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm like, not good at living.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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