Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
