he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
