if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
