You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
