3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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