I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
