the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize