That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
