he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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