what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
