Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize