i dont even know how to be here
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
