So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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