Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
