Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
