So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
