i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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