you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
