Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize