Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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