Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
