Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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