she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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