My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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