dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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