Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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