my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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