SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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