In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
