I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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