to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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