he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
