well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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