I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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