Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
