I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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