just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
