I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
