Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
