did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
