I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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