I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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