OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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