I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
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WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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