I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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