why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
