party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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