I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
