There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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